Reflections On Pregnacy!!

Luke at 20 weeks

Luke at 32 weeks

My little Luke is a precious gift from God. I must admit that I prayed for him before conception. I consistently asked God to protect my baby in the womb and beyond. My prayers were specific, asking for physical and mental health. The experience of loss that I will talk about in the following paragraphs inspired me to have my sweet little Luke. It wasn't that I had stopped yearning for a baby, but I let age (and the opinions of others) become an obstacle. Through a surprise pregnancy, my maternal desires for a newborn were reawakened. I felt as if God was opening the doors to adopt and have a baby.

Just six weeks before I became pregnant with Luke, I lost a set of mono-mono twins (and possibly another singleton). It truly was devastating! It was not only a loss of two (or 3) babies, but it was a loss of my lifelong dream of having twins. Okay, lifelong is a bit of an exaggeration. I had reached the ripe old age of 10 when I began to wish for twins. For a moment in time, it looked as if my dream had a chance to come to fruition. Obviously, it was not to be! Well, at least not in the way I had hoped for. Being a little further removed from the situation, I am glad to have been able to carry those little ones. They were not meant for this world, but they were very real and alive. God's full purpose will never be known on this earth. I was brought to my knees in prayer. It was difficult to understand why God would allow me to conceive (a wonderfully unexpected surprise) only to experience loss. As far as I can figure, those babies had a purpose in heaven. Bless their little souls! On the other hand, Luke was meant for this world and he brightens each and every day. Just as I say about Faith, I am so glad that we did not miss this blessing.

It is with mixed emotions and reservation that I actually decided to blog about this, as I know people don't really like to reopen chapters like these. I just felt that it would be wrong not to acknowledge that these babies were very real and alive, if just for a short time. God did know them in the womb! As I think about the debate on life, I am so sad that to some people my babies never really existed.